she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
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