im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize