I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
