Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
