I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
