dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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