I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
