Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
