He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize