I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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