I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh god it's open bar.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
