The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
