Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
