I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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