I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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