So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
