I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My vagina just recognized that song.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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