when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
