Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize