i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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