She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
