Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
