I think I died a long time ago.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
