Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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