I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
