I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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