Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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