Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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