She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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