Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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