Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
