you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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