I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
