woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
