Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
