escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Randomize
