Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
