Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
