shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
