nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
