And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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