After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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