I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How naked do you want me to be?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
