once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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