Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my being single is dangerous.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
