you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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