So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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