I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
