Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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