I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
