wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
