What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize