is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
