don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
