I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
