Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
