somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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