Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
