i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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