Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think I sprained my soul last night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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