you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize