you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
